CD3

Oh, did I forget to mention CD1? I've been a little busy. Wednesday around 4:30pm I discovered that, right on schedule, my period had arrived. Now, I know that I'm still waffling between The Hatchery and the old clinic that has yet to receive a pseudonym (suggestions welcome), but just in case, I'm still proceeding as if The Hatchery is where I'm going until I have my consult with the old clinic.

So, since I'm ever-so-good at following directions (shut UP!), I called the nurse at The Hatchery to let her know it was CD1. Great, she said. They would be having two IVF cycles in January: one starting 1/10 and one starting 1/24, which was I thinking would be better for me. I started to panic about the 1/10 cycle. I'm worried about working out the insurance details by then, and what if I get confusing answers from the old clinic on 1/5 and want to reevaluate? So I told her my schedule was going to be too wacky on 1/10, so let's go for the 1/24 schedule.

She wasn't sure the doctor would want to start me on BCPs this early then, because that would mean me being on BCPs for nearly 5 weeks and that could mean me being an under-responder for the cycle. But, she said, aren't I normally a bit of an over-responder? "I have HOM's," I said. Yeah... probably not an issue. She would talk to the doctor and get back to me on Thursday with the plan. The only concern with me just waiting until Jan to get a period on my own is... well, sometimes I just don't get a period on my own, and that could mean a flurry of bloodwork, provera, hoping the provera works, and probably ending up with a February cycle instead. Not that Feb. vs. Jan. is really the end of the world, but you know how it is. One delay leads to the next delay leads to the next one... Next thing you know, five years, 12 medicated cycles go by and you have a set of HOMs... oh wait, that was last time.

Thursday she got back to me just as I was about to walk into a shiva visit, so I was a bit flustered, but the plan is I'll start BCPs tonight and take 2 packs (no placebos) until the 23rd when I'll go in for a baseline ultrasound and start injections on the 24th. Won't this be fun? We'll obviously talk plenty between now and then.

So. Um.

Whee?

My perinatologist had asked me when I saw him on Monday if I thought there might be any possibility that I might have a spontaneous pregnancy to avoid the whole twin possibility - I laughed and said in six years it had never happened (plus, really, with this many kids? who has time for any romancin' ? JUST KIDDING!). Now I guess our chances of having a spontaneous pregnancy are completely gone, starting tonight.

I know every woman starting an IVF cycle talks about the irony of taking birth control pills in order to get pregnant. I don't think for me that I find it ironic. I'm struck with a profound sense of - change. This feels like a big step toward my new goal. Toward my new hopes of family building.

I fear that the fall from hope will be devastating.