Weirdness

I'm going to say something that's going to sound absolutely contrary to common sense. I do realize that I'm taking Lupron every day and that likely has something to do with my lack of sense right now and I probably shouldn't be held responsible for my actions. Hell, being on Lupron should be reason enough to keep me away from a keyboard at all times, lest I do something stupid, like type something as nonesensical as I'm about to type. But, alas, if I kept myself away from the keyboard every time I was on Lupron, how would I fill the (virtual) pages of my blog? How would I keep my faithful readers on the edges of your seats?

No, I simply cannot stay away from the keyboard every time I'm shooting myself up with that G-dforsaken drug. That wouldn't be fun for anyone, would it?

ANYWAY. On to my complete lack of logic.

I am petrified to get pregnant.

No, really! I am. I've had such a phenomenally crappy year that... I just... There's this huge piece of me that just feels like it just couldn't turn out well right now if I did get pregnant. But then again? Part of the crappiness this year has been the NOT getting pregnant and the canceled cycle, etc. So I dunno.

It's really stupid, I know. But there's also the fact that my two pregnancy experiences weren't... great. The first one I bled for the entire first trimester and then miscarried a day into the second trimester. The second one was an HOM pregnancy in which I went into preterm labor at 17 weeks and spent most of the pregnancy petrified of losing all of the babies. I know that we're doing everything right this time to avoid exactly that scenario, but there is good reason to believe I won't necessarily have the easiest of pregnancies. You know, if I actually got pregnant in the first place, and if it lasted long enough to get to be crappy.

Sigh. I know that I'll be ecstatic if I get pregnant and devastated if I don't, so this is probably an exercise in frustration and futility. I don't know why I'm even whining about it.