Inaugural Post

This blog is for the sole purpose of writing about my return to fertility treatment, now that I already have a set of high order multiples. Am I crazy? Yeah, probably. Am I asking for more than I have a right to ask for? Definitely. But I love my children, all of them. And I always knew I wanted a big family, though I definitely expected to build that family one at a time, one pregnancy at a time. I definitely didn't want it all over with in one pregnancy, and I definitely didn't want my messed up biology dictating my family size for me.

In many ways I feel selfish and horrible for wanting this and pursuing it. But I also know that I would never be asked to justify my desire for more children if I was able to conceive without my legs up in stirrups.

I made this blog so that I could document this return to fertility treatment away from my regular blog, because I don't need the nitty gritty details of my cycles and my biology to be fodder for friends and family to gawk at right now. I don't want failed cycles to be public knowledge. And I don't want a positive pregnancy test to be news spread around my neighborhood until I'm ready for that news to be spread (I already had one relatively late loss that everyone I knew was privvy to... I don't need to repeat the experience on purpose).

I'll post the details in a new post, but the basic background is this:
I am 32 (33 in Jan), my husband is 36.
I have PCOS.
We previously experienced five years of primary infertility and went through 5 clomid cycles and 6 IUIs with Follistim, which resulted in 2 pregnancies: 1 which ended in miscarriage and 1 which produced a set of high order multiples.
We also have a foster son.

Our children bring us more joy than we ever imagined possible. We are incredibly blessed and obviously if we never had another child, we would consider ourselves lucky to have the blessings that we already have. Still, I know that I have room in my heart to love another and I desperately want that for my family. I'm clearly certifiable.

This time around, we're turning to IVF, hopefully with single embryo transfers, though obviously, that may be a game-day decision. We have a new doctor, a new clinic, a new insurance company, and a lot of new waters to navigate. Let the games begin!