Gah!

Okay, Really? Is all this emotion really necessary? Like the estrogen in the BCPs wasn't bad enough? I cried all day Monday, Tuesday, and most of Wednesday. My nurse pretty much said I could blame that on the estrogren in the pill. Whee! Hopefully, she said, things would be better on Lupron. I started Lupron Wednesday. Now, honestly? I don't feel any different on the Lupron (not so much with the crying, though, which is good). I feel completely normal. But my husband sure can't stop screwing up. And can it seriously ALL be him? (I mean, sure, it COULD be - but since he's a damn near PERFECT husband most of the time, I am going to pretend for ONE second that maybe, JUST maybe this could be the Lupron talking here - okay, now I'm done giving him any slack, yeah, it's all him and he's just a big old poopy head).

Anyway, we've been fighting since Thursday. And I will say, he started it and it was all his fault that we started fighting. But honest to murgatroid, in the six+ years that we've been married we have never had a fight that's lasted this long. Ever. I am quick to anger, but VERY quick to get over it (he's the opposite of me - very, very slow to anger, but takes a while to cool down). Now, he did say something to me that crossed a line, but the fact that I'm still not over it is a little ridiculous. And I'm sitting here telling myself to get the eff over it and yet? Not over it.

And hey, remember how I said I don't feel any different on the Lupron? I totally lied. I've got this ridiculous headache that won't go away. It's not a migraine. Migraines I can handle. It's this dumb sharp pain that ... I don't even know how to describe it. It feels like it's slicing diagonally through my head. I don't like it. Probably that is not helping my mood either.

I do not like being cross.

I do not like being whiny.

I do not like being so damn irritable and irrational.

I do not like that I can't just talk myself out of this one.

For the love of ALL that is holy, when is this going to stop?? Those of you who've been through an IVF cycle before... please clue me in. (Note that when I start stims, my Lupron dose will not be going down... it's staying at 20 units, but I'm not sure for how long... and then, of course, night of egg retrieval, I start estrace, so MORE ESTROGEN YAY!, and oh boy won't those PIO injections be fun??)

Hey, imagine if I'm still screaming at my husband when I have to start trusting him to be jabbing me with a 1 1/2 inch 22 guage needle in the ass? Oh yeah. I think I'd better go make nice with him. NOW.