Monitoring and So-Called-Secondary Infertility

Man, I gotta tell you, I thought I missed those 7am monitoring appointments, but I was wrong. What the frick, man? This was a lot easier before when I could roll out of bed and drive there without any responsibilities at home before walking out the door. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I most certainly am not. It's just different, this time.

A lot of people talk about the difference between their experiences with primary and secondary infertility. I don't think of it that way for me. For me, this is no different. I still suffer from exactly the same conditions of the primary infertility that sent me down this road the first time; I just happen to have children now. It's different than if I'd had no difficulty conceiving the first time around (i.e. no primary infertility) and then found myself afflicted with infertility in trying to have another child (suddenly found myself with unexpected secondary infertility). But for me, this so-called "secondary" infertility is merely an extension of the same, and I hate the distinction - it belittles the experience; makes it seem less valid in a way, and frankly, it isn't.

If anything, this experience is just as intense as the last one, but for different reasons. This time I pulled out the big guns, so while I may have been able to remain more emotionally detached (after all, if this fails miserably, can't I take some solace in what I do have waiting for me at home?) had I been doing IUIs - the stakes are higher this time. The drugs are more intense, the regimen is stricter, the attention to detail is greater. My emotional response is artificially inflated. My ability to focus on the myriad of details that I need to focus on is understandably reduced. My stress level is increased. It is simply a different experience.

Anyway, I had my monitoring appointment at seven frickin' o'clock this morning. Dracula only had to stab me once this time, though the little bugger dug around in there for a good bit. He reuses the same spot every time, because it's the only spot he can get a vein in. I swear I'm going to have the biggest darned bruise on that arm by the time this cycle is done. Then into an U/S room. Last time M (sonographer extraordinaire) walked in on me before I'd even gotten my skirt off, so I hurried out of my clothes and jumped up on the table, my heart racing and then sat... and sat... fortunately I had a good book with me (The Memory Keeper's Daughter, have you read it? I just started it, but it's captivating) And, in she walked.

Now, I hate to be the complainer and all (sarcasm), but seriously, I've been gone two years now. And in those two years, they still have not hung a mobile in Room 1. Dr. S. (not my doc) brags that he personally hung all of the mobiles in all of the U/S rooms, and good for him, but hello? Room 1 does not have a mobile. And every time I saw him in the two years that I went to Ye Olde Fertility Clinic, I congratulated him on his efforts to give women something pretty to look at in the U/S rooms, and then I gave him hell for not hanging one in Room 1. Now he's had two whole additional years to make this right and has he? NO!

Dr. S. was on call for monitoring today, but he didn't come into my room, so M got to hear my (good natured) rant about it. She told me to give him some crap about it - but I never saw him, unfortunately. Oh, but I'll get my chance! Oh yes I will! With the blogosphere as my witness, if I have to buy a mobile and hang it myself, by the time I'm done with Ye Olde Fertility Clinic, there will be a mobile in Room 1! (I was thinking maybe this one, what do you think?)

Anywhozit, M and I had a lovely conversation whilst she perused my ovaries. I love M - she is what makes Ye Olde Fertility Clinic entirely tolerable. M and my nurse, really. Love them both. We gave one of my follicles a stern talking to because I didn't like the looks of its dominance. So M poked it and told it to cut it out. She also warned the little buggers that they'd better turn into a singleton. And expressed a preference on sex (but I won't state that here lest my child someday find out that I had a preference).

I had four good sized follicles on either side, and a bunch of others that she counted but didn't measure (I lost count, can't remember). I feel like 8 good sized follicles at this stage of the game isn't a lot. It worries me, but it's also early, so we'll just have to see what they decide to do. The follicles are measuring:

Right: 11.5, 8.5, 8.7, and 6.9
Left: 8.1, 8.4, 8.1, and 6.6

I don't know yet what they'll do about my meds or next appointment. They'll either screw up and tell me to come in on Saturday (no can do, doc), or they'll let me wait until Sunday. It's possible that the compromise will be that I have to go back in tomorrow and back in on Sunday. We'll see. I used to be able to very accurately predict what they'd do to my medication doses after each monitoring appointment, but all bets are off on this one - I have absolutely no idea what they're going to do to me. I'm thinking they'll keep me the same? But who knows. For all I know they'll double it. (Kidding)

I hope I don't have to go in tomorrow. My kids have speech therapy at 7:30am. Gah.


P.S. Lupron headaches still suck mightily