4dp6dt

bored now.

very proud of myself for not having purchased any HPTs yet. Not that they'd show anything, but you've gotta have them ready, right?

Bored.

Really, really, really done with this 2ww stuff.

Every one of my previous cycles I always had in my back pocket my exit strategy. So the 2ww never bothered me. I always knew that the cycle hadn't worked (yes, I'm a negative nelly), so I was just twiddling my thumbs until the next CD3. I was completely surprised the two times it did work (and completely pissed off at the miscarriage the first time). But I always had the exit strategy: CD3, back to the clinic, start stims, keep going.

But I actually don't exactly know what happens this time. PIO will keep CD3 from happening, so until I come off of it... no cycle start. And even if I do, what then? I don't know if there was anything to freeze (I think not), so which is it, fresh or FET? Let's assume fresh. If fresh, then what? I know you can't move straight into another fresh cycle, but what does that mean? Does that mean straight to BCPs? Or does that mean waiting a month before BCPs? This is the missing piece of the puzzle piece for me. I think it means straight to BCPs. So 21 days of BCPs, Lupron on Day 19. Lupron Eval. on CD 2 or 3. Start Stims if it's a go. I think. And I know SuperDoc said that this go around we'd be increasing my Follistim by 100IUs to start.

So is that the plan? I need a plan! I *always* have a plan, and right now, I'm a girl without a plan! This is not okay!

I *could* just make an appointment with SuperDoc to discuss said plan, but: 1. odds are good I won't be able to get a consult appointment with him before my beta anyway, and 2. if I did, I'd feel ridiculous demanding a plan before I even get to a beta and then end up with a positive beta, as happened last time.

This is my fault. Normally I ask what my exit strategy is ahead of time - but I forgot that it's all different now.

Now, see, I never used to be high maintenance. And then I went and had this super-high-risk, HOM pregnancy. And I *hated* to be a bother, but they put me on all this home-monitoring stuff and make me talk to a nurse three times a day and hauled me into the office twice a week and put me into the hospital a few times and, well... I learned how to be high maintenance, you see. And now?? I'm really good at it. So I blame the medical field for this. It's all their fault.

Anyway, I'm not actually going to be high maintenance to them - I'm just going to be high maintenance here in my head. Oh wait, I'm typing all this out loud, aren't I. Okay, fine. I'm going to be high maintenance publicly, to the blogosphere. But no one twisted your arm, put a gun to your head and forced you to read this blog. So, really? You asked for it!

Did I mention I'm bored?