You've Got Questions, I've Got Answers - Jewish Edition

While I do try to keep this particular blog focused specifically on issues of infertility, IVF, cycling, etc. I also recognize that I confuse my readers by posting things without a lot of explanation sometimes. Not all my readers are Jewish, so I get a lot of questions (usually via email) regarding the Jewish terms and customs I allude to. Since my last FAQ sparked two Jewishly-related questions, I'll post them here, though I'm pretty tired and foggy, so no guarantees on my coherence...

Q: what exactly is shabbos prep? while i lived in a neighborhood with large orthodox jewish population for several years and am familiar with some of the practices, there are a lot of things with which i'm unfamiliar.
So... on Shabbos (the Sabbath), there are lots of things we don't do. It is a complete day of rest, in which normal weekday activity is suspended. No cooking, no affecting electricity (in other words, I don't turn on lights, but neither do I turn them off - so it's not like I'm sitting in the dark all day), no driving, no sewing, computer, no phone, no um, winnowing, no, well, lots of other stuff. So, while I don't love to describe Shabbos as a series of negatives, go with me here on the set up, okay?

You can imagine that with all of the things that I can't do, in order to have a day completely set apart from the rest of the week - a day focused completely on my family, my faith, and my community - I have to make sure that my house and my meals are completely ready before the sun sets. I should also point out that the Sabbath is a day of celebration, every week. It is a Holy Day - and it is special. Our houses should be clean, we use our finest china, our nicest table cloths, we cook our nicest meals, we have guests or we are guests at other peoples' homes (right, because we get so many invitations out these days...but I digress). Anyway, all the cooking for three meals (Friday night dinner, Saturday lunch, and a lighter "third meal" Saturday late afternoon/early evening, depending on the time of year) has to be done ahead of time. Children, if you have any, should theoretically be clean (hah), and changed into Shabbos-clothes (good luck with that) before sundown. At the very least, a tablecloth should be put on the table before you light candles at sundown, but preferably, the table should be fully set (this is brilliant if, like me, you have cats ... again, good luck with that. And if you've got a toddler in the house? I highly recommend against setting the table before you absolutely must).

So, um, those are the basics. There's cooking. And cleaning. Oh, and making sure all the lights, etc. in the house are where you want them to be, since you can't change them once Shabbos starts. It's always a whirlwind at the end here. It'll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow when I can't be lifting my kids, running around, standing in the kitchen, or any of that stuff... But, it's not like I've never been on bed rest before.

Q: I agree that Jewish law regarding embryos is complex, but I'm confused by your saying there isn't a lot of choice involved because of the complexity and don't understand what you are indicating.

I'm actually not going to get too deep into this, because everyone's rabbi poskens differently on this. My rabbi (who has a specialty in this area of halacha) has one very straightforward opinion on the one and only thing that may be done with leftover embryos that are not going to be used for a future pregnancy. I have other friends (both in "real" life and "inside the computer") whose rabbis rule the exact opposite of my rabbi - but that doesn't mean that my rabbi or their rabbis are wrong. They simply interpret and apply the halacha (law) differently. Some Jewish legal scholars do not allow embryo donation/adoption under any circumstances. Some allow it only if you can guarantee that the embryo will be donated to a Jewish couple. Some allow it under any circumstances. Some rabbis allow embryos to be donated to research - but others require that the embryos be destroyed and discarded. The reasons behind each individual rabbi's decisions are, honestly, beyond my understanding. While I spend a great deal of time working to understand the logic and the details behind my treatment protocols and my medical care - when it comes to the halachic details - truthfully, I simply ask for my rabbi's guidance and leave it at that. So I won't speak for his answers, I will simply say that I haven't been left with a lot of choices in terms of the disposition of any leftover embryos once our family building is complete.

But, I'll point out, I haven't made any firm commitments on when our family building will be complete.

Anything I missed?