Saturday, February 28, 2009

Good News, Bad News

The Good News: I have permission to switch my pill to the OrthoCyclen. I'll note that I did this without permission anyway, knowing that it would be fine, but it is nice to know that it's all fine.

The Bad News: My head still hurts like a bitch, which you can tell by the fact that I'm swearing like a sailor (which I rarely do in print, though I usually do in person).

The Good News: Despite my head hurting so much, the nausea is gone. I no longer feel like I have perpetual morning sickness, which is good, because if I have to have morning sickness, I damn well better be getting a baby 9 months later.

The Bad News: I have terrible, awful cramps, which makes no sense, because, hello? That should be over by now. But it's not and I am not amused. In fact, I am quite ticked off at my effed-up body right now. In fact, the pain I've been feeling is quite severe and I am not enjoying it. I've been having visions of getting in for my Lupron evaluation (which isn't for another several weeks, btw, so it's not like it's looming, or anything) and having SuperDoc say, "You are benched, Oh Perky One! Look at those Ginormous Cysts on those seriously un-Perky Ovaries of yours!" But I'm sure it's all in my head, and due largely to the copious amounts of painkillers I've been swallowing for the aforementioned throbbing head and now very crampy ovarian region.

The Good News: Only two more weeks of BCPs.

The Bad News: I start Lupron March 11th. More headaches to come.

The Good News: IVF #2 is looming.

The Bad News: IVF #2 is looming. I am petrified of failing a second time. I know this is ridiculous. I can't not bother starting just because I am petrified of failing. That would be ridiculous. For some reason, though, I was really okay with IVF#1 not working. As hard as any negative cycle is to swallow, I was expecting it and I think I handled it with my characteristic grace and humour. I haven't even gone out and gotten stinking drunk yet (don't think I haven't thought about it). The thought of IVF#2 failing is absolutely petrifying. Please don't just say, "Oh, but this one will work." No one knows that. It either will or it won't, and clearly right now I'm not in my happy, perky place. Maybe I'll be there tomorrow. But right now? I'm not. Right now I need to work through what I'm going to do if it doesn't work (aside from the logistical obviousness of - duh! I'll do IVF #3... my last cycle covered at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic before I return to The Hatchery where I'll have approximately 2 cycles covered under my husband's insurance, good heavens, I hope it doesn't come to that).

The Good News: I'm getting way ahead of myself.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Waiting to cycle is worse for me than actually cycling.

Hating BCP's right along with you. Headaches and spotting. Oh joy.

battynurse said...

Good that the nausea is gone but boo for the continued headaches. Hang in there. I hope it gets better.

Lori said...

Have you ever considered adding some stress reduction techniques to your next cycle? I know how stressed you were last time. My clinic believes so strongly about it they have their own stress reduction program. You can see more at ivfpittsburgh.com

I did not do accupuncture or yoga but did stress reduction techniques. I had some CDs they recommended for infertility where a woman talked you though relaxation techniques. Sometimes I just layed down in a quiet room and listened to classical music while deep breathing. That is probably more what you might have time for. I also listened to the music before and right after all my IUIs and IVF.

I do think all this helped me to manage my stress. Plus, it made me feel like I was actually doing something pro-active to get pregnant besides stabbing myself in the stomach.

amber said...

glad the nausea is gone, but booo to the headaches being there in full force. :(

barrenisthenewblack said...

I like Lori's idea. I know you have loads of free time to indulge in acupuncture, massage, and yoga-not, but if you find a way to fit some in, I can give you the name of my person in NW.
Sorry you're having trouble. I hope you feel better.

Barefoot said...

Hi there -- just wanted to say hello and commiserate, as I'm on BCP and starting the Lupron on the 5th. I'm already rocking some serious headaches, so can't wait to see what the Lupron can do for me! ;)